“I’ve Never Felt Loved Like This”: What Happened in 40 Days of Prayer
by Barb Rolen
On the second morning of our 40 days of prayer, a participant sent us a message that began, “Right now my body is shaking, literally.”
As the Scripture and the reflection were read aloud, one phrase had gone straight to Mishael’s heart: those who are joined with God are one in Him. He saw how much of his life he had spent fighting to do everything on his own, and how much of that fight he no longer had to carry.
That was Day 2. Thirty-eight mornings were still ahead.
From September 4 through October 13, we gathered each morning on Zoom for Made for More: Experiencing Our Union with Christ. Every day held a passage of Scripture, a short reflection, a quiet moment to receive, and prayer. Sixty-five people registered and received an email each morning, and ten to eighteen joined us each morning for the corporate prayer call. The whole journey rested on one verse we kept returning to:
“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another.” — 2 Corinthians 3:17–18 (ESV)
At the cross, everything changed for anyone who places their faith in Jesus. Yet most of us sense a gap between what became true of us at salvation and what we actually experience day to day. That gap is not evidence of failure. It is an invitation from the Spirit, who longs to reach the hidden places where we have yet to be persuaded of His truth.
The Journey in Five Movements
Forty days, five movements, each one building on the last.
Movement One: Receive (Days 1–14, September 4–17)
What Has Already Been Given. We started at the foundation: created for love, completely forgiven, given a new heart, and joined to Him forever. Before we asked anything of ourselves, we simply received.
Movement Two: Recognize (Days 15–21, September 18–24)
The Gap Between Knowing and Living. Then we got honest about the distance between what is true of us and what we actually experience. We met the Father who is already running toward the prodigal on Day 19, and we learned that when truth does not fully land, the question is not “Do I have enough faith?” but “What do I still believe that He wants to reach?”
Movement Three: Discover (Days 22–28, September 25–October 1)
Where the Spirit Meets What’s Hidden. Here we looked at how we came to believe the lies we believe, how we try to manage the pain they cause, and how the Refiner brings what is hidden to the surface. The movement closed with a promise: the gap does not have to last.
Movement Four: Position (Days 29–33, October 2–6)
Learning to Walk in Step with God. Understanding turned into cooperation: we learned to treat our feelings as an invitation and to trust that God meets us at the root. Our part looks like a child reaching up. Like Mary, we choose the better part and receive instead of achieve.
Movement Five: Express (Days 34–40, October 7–13)
His Overflowing Life. We finished by looking outward: Christ is our life, His life expresses itself in a way that is uniquely ours, and He loves others through us. On Day 40, it all came together: we reign in life, and we are His treasure.
With Gratitude
This journey stands on the shoulders of two sources and a faithful team of co-leaders.
David Gregory – The foundation of these forty days draws deeply from the work of David Gregory, who has spent years writing about living from union with Christ. He generously shared his letters and articles from FreeWithGod.com and gave us permission to adapt them for this journey, and he joined us live as a guest on Day 18 (September 21) and Day 40 (October 13). David, thank you for pointing us, again and again, to Christ in us.
Ed and Joshua Smith – The framework for how lie-based beliefs form, how they shape the ways we manage pain, and how the Holy Spirit meets us in those hidden places comes from Ed and Joshua Smith. Their book, The Principles, Purpose, and Process of Transformation Prayer Ministry (New Creation Publishing, 2023), lays out the principles behind Transformation Prayer Ministry (TPM) and shaped much of our journey from the middle on.
Our co-leaders – I also want to thank our co-leaders: Kimmey Grant, Warren Koshak, Angela Miller, Carol Ann Schwartz, Brooke Wallace, Kathy Walton, and Nancy & Robert Zimmerman. They took time to prayerfully prepare to co-lead, brought their own insights to the reflections, and helped create a sacred space for the Holy Spirit to move during A Moment to Receive. Many days, after our time with the Lord, people felt led to share right away what He had revealed.
All participants on the 7:30 prayer calls – I can’t forget to thank all of you who showed up at 7:30 for the prayer calls. You read the Scriptures and parts of the Reflection Guide, joined in praying for the various prayer points, and shared how the Lord was revealing things to you, and you made us feel that we were all on the same journey. Several of you commented on different days that it was exactly what you needed to hear that day. Thank you for sharing your mornings with us.
What the Lord Did
Throughout the forty days, we invited participants to answer one simple question: What has the Lord revealed for you? Here is some of what came in, shared with permission. Where someone asked to remain anonymous, I have honored that.
“Those who are joined with God are one in Him”
On Day 2, Mishael wrote: “I felt this intense feeling of joy and happiness. What hit me deeply was the phrase, ‘Those who are joined with God are one in Him.’ … Today’s Prayer Reflection absolutely changed my inner perspective, and I’ve seen how destructive I’ve been.”
“Only by faith in Him”
One participant, who asked to remain anonymous, wrote to us three times over the forty days. After Day 6, You Are a Righteous New Creation, they wrote: “Crazy promises, really. To me this is incomprehensible, but only by faith in Him is it true.” Five days later: “That I am capable of being part of the overflowing is a new revelation. Lord, by faith and through Your will, let it be.”
The gap is only perceived
The morning we reached Day 19, Far Off or Never Left, another participant texted me afterward and was willing to let me share it anonymously. They had seen the gap between the Father and the prodigal son as the son’s perceived problem, and they named one of their own solutions: distracting themselves from intimacy instead of running to the Father. “He gets to decide what is Truth … not me! When I try to decide what is true about Him or me, I’m attempting to do His job again! The ‘gap’ truly is ‘perceived,’ and all my avoidance behaviors are NOT necessary.”
“I do not need to guard myself from Him”
Growing up with a father who was emotionally distant and harsh with his words, Kathy had come to believe that God might not be safe or kind. Her heart longed to be near Him, yet stayed ready to pull away at any moment. On Day 28, The Gap Doesn’t Have to Last, the Lord gave her a picture:
“The Lord showed me how I am like a skittish cat, longing to curl up in His lap but ready to run off at the slightest noise or quick movement. … He showed me He’s not mad, disappointed, or impatient that I’m so skittish. (I believed He was.) He is content to take as much time with me as needed to truly let my heart believe. I do not need to guard myself from Him. Thank you, Papa!!!”
Stirred up and ministered to
“I’ve never felt loved like this”
On Day 35, Mishael wrote again, describing a moment when he saw his whole life pass before him: “I saw my failures. I saw my sins. I saw my story written in a dark book. And Jesus said, ‘This is not the true person you are.’ … What caught my heart is that He never judged me. He overwhelmingly loved me, even when I was a handful and so unlovable. … With tears in my eyes, I’ve never felt loved like this before.”
He ended with words that could sum up all forty days: “You loved me first, and I’m in You and You are in me.”
A Closing Word from David Gregory
On our final morning, Day 40, David joined us live. After we read Romans 5:17 together and sat quietly with the Lord, he offered a summary that put a bow on the whole journey:
“Fully receiving the love of God is the key to experiencing all that we’ve been given in Christ, and the key to other people then receiving that love through us. … It becomes more and more evident to me how central it is to receive God’s love every day, and to know how fully we are His treasure and how thrilled He is to have us as His child. … We reign in life because we have received His righteousness and His grace, and all of that is wrapped up in His love and in being His treasure.”
Begin Your Own Journey
The gap between what is true and what we feel is real, and it is not a verdict on us. It is an invitation.
If you would like to begin your own journey, click here to download a PDF of the Made for More: Experiencing Our Union with Christ Reflection Guide. Take it one day at a time and at your own pace. There is nothing to complete, only a place to receive.
If something stirs in you along the way, please sign up for a Transformation Prayer Ministry (TPM) session at https://serenityretreat.com/book/one-hour-session. We’d love to pray with you. At our recent Made for More luncheon, Scott Wesley shared in his testimony that he sees TPM as “a scheduled opportunity to receive the truth and have the Holy Spirit land on your heart.” You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just have to show up, and the Spirit of truth does what only He can do.
